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Hold the Lion, Please

“I’m sorry I can’t stay and kill ya.”

Clearly, the lion’s busy.

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Animation by Ken Harris; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on June 13, 1942.

The hippo doesn’t think too highly of the lion. The monkey and giraffe are in agreement. He is like the hippo is now: all washed up. (Why even bother putting a robe on? We’re all guys here.) He’s also a bit slow as he nods and agrees with their sarcastic “King of the jungle” and sincere “Has-been” remarks. It’s only when they claim that he couldn’t even get a rabbit that his pride is hurt. Really, now. Leave his family out of this. *Rimshot*

You can tell he’s past his prime by his Donald Duck fighting stance and the feeble roar he lets out. The rest of the guys pretend to be scared in the second hammiest scene in this picture. He’ll prove them wrong! He’ll kill a rabbit then the telephone game will evolve the story into a dozen honey badgers. So with a carrot as bait, he sets out. (Don’t listen to him claiming carrots are good for rabbits. They’re dessert/an after dinner cocktail.)

He finds some rabbit tracks at the rabbit crossing. Naturally. And here comes Bugs now. (Why is his first name in quotes in the title card?) He swipes the carrot, showing his feet are discolored in this scene and takes his leave. The lion catches up and prepares to strike. Those mighty paws of his can decapitate an okapi with one blow, so Bugs could be burnt toast. But he holds his carrot in harms way, and gets some snackably sized chunks instead.

It’s a cute trick, but can the lion wiggle his ears? I can’t and now I’m sad. He can’t and now he’s annoyed. He tells Bugs that he’s talking to a genuine lion, but Bugs isn’t convinced. He’d be scareified and petrifeared if he was in the line of sight of a lion. Wait. He is! And his false terror is the first hammiest scene in this whole picture. Spam that ham, Bugs! If the Academy knew what they were doing, they’d give you an Oscar.

The lion later finds Bugs grabbing some food from the jungle’s carrot patch. I’d expect that kind of thing in a jungle that has lions, hippos, and giraffes in it. He does some stalking, trying his darndest to appear casual every time Bugs spots him. (His facial markings fluctuate.) Nothing screams ‘I’m doing nothing’ like land swimming. And look at that saliva fly! He should consider miming. And eating mimes. I bet they taste just like zebras.

Bugs dashes off, leaving his bonnet behind. It lands on the lion’s head. Bugs sets up a door between the two, and when the lion knocks Bugs answers and bursts into hysterics. It’s a lion in a hat! No notes! Give that Panthera the hundred grand! Even he can’t resist the chuckles when Bugs holds up a mirror. Distracted by mirth, he doesn’t notice Bugs moving the door behind him until it’s slammed shut. Now he’s trapped inside!

Bugs isn’t handing over the key, so the lion builds up some momentum to charge through. Bugs, ever the considerate sort, opens the door at the last moment, leading to an off screen crash. But that lion manages to catch up to his prey thanks to the rule of comedy. Time to die! The lion even grows a wisdom tooth for extra tearing. But then the phone rings. Never fails. You’re about to take a life, and what happens? Telemarketers, no doubt.

Bugs answers and hands it over to the lion. He’s grumpy, but folds when he learns it’s his wife on the line. Seeing as he’s a lion, you’re probably wondering which of his wives it is. It’s Hortense, the one who doesn’t take crap from anybody. While her husband was playing with rabbits all day, she’s been out hunting wildebeests and if he wants to eat before her and the rest, he’ll get his butt home pronto! He concedes and leaves. And Bugs?

Bugs finds the whole thing pathetic. Sure, it’s great to honor your wife and all, but how can you call yourself a king of the jungle if you let yourself get pushed around by someone without a mane? Bugs doesn’t take that stuff. He’s master of his domain.

And his claims are immediately challenged. It’s his never seen before; never seen since wife, Mrs. Bugs Bunny! And like a good little buck, he returns home. Forget the pants, this Mrs. wears all the clothes in her relationship.

Favorite Part: The mocking animals dissolving into swaying plants as the scene transitions. It’s a bit random, but dang if it doesn’t look beautiful! More please!

Personal Rating: 4.

 

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Two Scents Worth

“Poems are made by fools like me.”

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Charles M. Jones; Animation by Keith Darling, Abe Levitow, Richard Thompson, and Ken Harris; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on October 15, 1955.

L’histoire d’aujourd’hui se déroule à Les Aples Francais, and et maintenant, j’en ai fini de faire semblant de parler français.

In the town of Nasty Pass, a man goes to the fishmonger to purchase one herring. Yes, one. While we can’t hear from this side of the glass, the monger seems just as befuddled to hear such and order. But a sale is a sale, and he forks over the fish. (I can read the ‘Sardines’ written on the barrel, but I prefer to use a more proper vernacular.) This isn’t just a lunch on an extreme diet, it’s an investment.

This guy, (who kind of looks like Ralph Phillips’s homeless uncle, Troy) uses the fish as bait for Penelope Fifi Pussycat. And it is successful. She’s a rather easy-going girl who has no problem with the guy painting a white stripe down her back. Nor with him dropping her through the skylight of a bank. The populace does. That’s a pseudo skunk if they ever saw one! Some would say it’s worse than the real kind, because you can’t deodorize them. They flee, and that guy robs them blind.

He gets his comeuppance fierce, though. Leaving the town, he tells what he thinks is his ally that he no longer needs her service. Then the scent enters his nostrils, and his brain registers what this means. That’s a real skunk if he ever smelt one! It’s like a burning cleanse of holy water, and he retreats to jail, locking himself up, completely reformed. Now maybe Mr. Phillips will invite him to Thanksgiving dinner again.

That skunk sees that pseudo skunk and is smitten. He might be coming off a little too extreme this time. Climbing into her arms and saying that if she stops resisting, he will do the same, and that’s the best deal she’s going to get. And I still can’t help but love him myself. And all skunks for that matter. They’re cute and can defend themselves wonderfully! It’s no different than a woman with mace.

Speaking of, I bet the pseudo really wishes she had some of that stuff. She’s taken refuge in a gondola, but the genuine hopped aboard last second, and is still advancing. She escapes by walking across the cable they are hanging from. For once in history, it paid to be a cat. She runs as far up as she possibly can, which is the tip of the nearest ski jump. And he still manages to catch up and catch her. Kissing must be really nice!

Squirming out of his grasp, she lands on one of the skis left up here, and goes on a wild downhill ride. Pretty much the rest of the short here. Her hunter, more safety concerned, comes after her on tow skis, just as humanity intended. George of the jungle he is not, but he still should watch out for that tree. Eh, we didn’t see it either, so cut some slack. That was a well delivered crunchline.

The ski cat lands for the rest of this wild ride. The genuine gets back on his skis, while the pseudo still wonders how she ever got in this situation. And as if things aren’t worse enough for her, she’s coming up to a cliff. Trying to remember what the ski instructor said is impossible when all she can think of is that stupid, sexy skunk. She decides to just do her best at stopping the ride. And it works! Right at the edge and everything. Safe at last.

And then he plucks her up as he goes over the edge. If there’s one thing more frightening than his advances, it’s the height they’re at. She clings to him in fear. Always prepared, his parachute lowers them to safety. I bet by the time they land, she’ll find she still has fallen. For him. *Rimshot*

Favorite Part: When he admits he’s not just attracted to her body, but her mind. True, he just met her. True, she hasn’t said any actual language. True, it’s a joke. But it still helps him curry my favor. I wonder how Chuck would react to see how hated this character became.

Personal Rating: 3. That tree slam alone was worth a point.

 

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The Great Carrot-train Robbery

“Carrots is the root of all evil.”

Oh, go on Bunny-boo. Snuggle.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Cal Howard; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen, LaVerne Harding, Jim Davis, and Ed Solomon; Layouts by Bob Givens; Backgrounds by Bob Abrams; Film Editor: Hal Geer; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc and Pat Woodell; Musical Direction by William Lava. A Merrie Melody released on January 25, 1969.

Aw man! I really wanted to discuss this short’s prequel first! But fate chose this one, and autism made it stick. Let’s go.

The last recurring minor characters to come from the W.B.’s theatrical shorts. They’re named after two of  possibly the world’s most famous criminals: Carmen Sandiego and The Hamburglar. (Do I really need to spell it out for anyone?) As rabbits, they rob carrot patches. They wear clothes and drive a car, so the rules of this world are as weird as a cartoon ought to be.

Their design isn’t my favorite. Bunny has comically sized cheeks that make her look like she’s perpetually sucking a warhead candy after brushing her teeth, and her blonde hair doesn’t match her gray fur. And there’s no proof it’s a wig. Claude is a bit cleaner, but his wide-eyed smile makes him look totally clueless. On the plus side, we get to hear Mel one last time through him. I think I’ve backstoried enough. Let’s get a move on.

After the theme song. Yep, these guys got their own tune! With sung lyrics and animation pulled from their previous short! You know, I get the feeling W.B. was trying as hard as they could to make these guys last! It didn’t really work. The only mention I’ve ever seen of either of these two was a photo of Claude in “Tiny Toons Looniversity” suggesting that to Buster and Babs Bunny, he’s a relation.

Now we can really get started. The duo (who might not be married like their namesakes, s’not clear,) want to get on board the 515 train. The ticket master says that isn’t allowed, seeing as its a cargo train. Claude lightly shakes him, and he changes his tune. I’d do the same. Those teeth look plenty powerful. I thought they’d be well known, but the ticket master doesn’t recognize them until Bunny gives their names. Who else do you think would want to ride a carrot express? Bugs?

They duck into their car of choice and proceed to do whatever they choose to do when the camera isn’t on them, while the ticket master phones the third character of their stories, a sheriff referred to as Sheriff. He’s on his way! This is the perfect chance! If they’re holed in a car, all he has to do is figure out which one, and keep them inside until they pass the nearest prison. It’s not the fastest train, so he can catch up with his car.

After an amusing drive, (I do love him being crazy/blind enough to drive right in front of another moving train.) he gets on top of a car. It’s his lucky day, as he is standing on the right car, and Claude has just emerged to uncouple the car. He gives chase, but really now? A man catching a rabbit on foot? He can’t even jump the gaps in the car, and has to run in between them. He climbs back up just as Claude aims to pop back to safety. That’s when the train enters a tunnel. If that look painful enough, imagine the cramp he’s getting ducking down in there.

Claude thinks there home free, but Bunny sees Sheriff is entering now. They hide in some barrels before they are seen. Sheriff isn’t great at catching them, but he’s not a maroon. Since this is the carrot stronghold, he knows they’ll be here eventually. He’ll hide in the third barrel. The crooks decide to show the audience that they aren’t afraid to commit murder if need be. They nail him inside, stick some lit dynamite in, and kick him off the train. He survives, but only because the cartoon isn’t over yet.

Sheriff handcarts after them, just as Claude finally gets around to uncoupling that car he keeps saying he’ll get to. Sheriff gets a real workout trying to outspeed it, and only barely makes it onto some sidetrack. He crashes once he hits the end of that line. They’re going to get away unless he find some new transportation! He buys a farmer’s plow horse to get a ride. I love- you know what? No. I’ve said that so many times, it’s losing all meaning. Let me try something new.

I’m attracted to the farmer just looking totally lost at the wad of bills he now possesses. … I’ll stick to saying “I love-” from now on. Sheriff gets to the rabbandits before they flee, (and how did their car know where to meet them?) and the two worriedly clutch each other. (Claude’s cheek is a coward, and tries to blend into the background. It works, but the principle remains.) He reads them their rights, unaware that his new partner happens to share their love of sweet root vegetables.

Horse chows down. That doesn’t sound like the crunch a carrot should make. If W.B. didn’t already prove they knew that for the past 2.5 decades, I wouldn’t bring it up. I guess since Mel was no longer under contract, he was finally able to refuse biting into the things. I wouldn’t. Not only do I like raw carrots, but I’d be thrilled to be in a ‘Tune or ‘Melody as the carrot crunch. Oh yeah, I need to be finishing up here.

That horse eats more carrots than is healthy, and Sheriff gets angry at the lack of evidence. Give it about a day, and come back with some strong stomached forensics officers. In the meantime, the crooks see their opportunity and take what they can. The sheriff chasing them on his fat horse. They’re probably still chasing to this day.

Favorite Part: The look the thieves share when the ticket master changes his mind about letting them ride, and in a panic, starts listing all the people who can ride as well as thanking them for excitement and offering some of his lunch. They’re all “What’s with this guy? We just want to do something illegal. No need to get excited.”

Personal Rating: 3. It’s better than their first short. And maybe they could have been even better than this if the studio hadn’t closed by the end of the year. It’s cool to have antagonistic protagonists, but then, being based on existing people does date things a little. Maybe things happened perfectly.

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Aviation Vacation

This is just how it is with these ‘A’ Cards.

Supervision by Fred Avery; (Last time he was credited.) Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Sidney Sutherland; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on August 2, 1941.

I don’t like flying. It’s cold, cramped, cold, takes too long to get started, monotonous, (you thought I was going to say “cold”, didn’t you?) cold, and I’m stuck in this hell with loud, squealing, pig children and jerkish adults. And there’s really nowhere on this planet that is worth a plane ride. So, can Avery’s latest gag-shtick flick convince me otherwise? No. Let’s get started.

We’re departing from Cali, where the sun is always shining. Just admist the rain, wind and snow. It’s a toon plane, so it can flap its wings. Isn’t that funny! We’ll be following railroad tracks, so we don’t get lost. Our shadow is the courteous, yet playful type. It loves to duck into tunnels, but always is sure to let the trains have the right of way. Isn’t that not boring! We just need to take in one landmark, and we’ll leave the country.

The landmark is Mt. Rushmore. (And then, since North Dakota is a myth, we’ll leave as promised into Canada.) You can see all the four presidents currently carved, and plans to add whoever wins the next election. Unless the artists get bored and put it off for the next time. Or the next, next, next, next, next, next, (Kinda annoying, isn’t it?), next, next, next, next, next, necks, next, next, next time.

Okay. Ireland is next. (Next, next, next…) Patrick here will sing us a song. We let him think we can hear him in the plane, because when he gets angry, he gets drunk, and that makes him scary. While he sings, what appears to be a hair is caught in the projector. It goes on a little too long for my tastes, but I’m really hoping some theater goers thought it was a real hair back in the day. Imagine how they must have doubted reality, when Patrick yells for it to be removed.

Next, let’s go to Darkest Africa so we can make a literal joke again. At least having just the lighted windows remain on the plane is a shake-up. But there’s no need to visit a specific country, because there’s no difference. What would you find in Morocco that you wouldn’t find in Zimbabwe? And all the natives look as racist as we deem appropriate in this era. We’ve seen it all before, so why not go all the way and make a racist, ostrich joke?

I DIDN’T MEAN IT! $^&# you, guys! I hate, loathe, and detest, the ostrich hiding head joke! Only if because it’s still done to this day! Read a book! Feel free to educate others! These are our biggest dinosaurs left! Treat them with a little more respect, would ya? BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

Now let’s look at some butterflies. Yes, from the plane. I didn’t hear anyone say we were disembarking, did you? It’s that magical, marvelous time, when they first emerge out of their chrysalises. The magic might lessen a little, when you realize they kinda just get spat out, but look at how gorgeous they are! Even when they’re drinking other animals’ sweat, tears, and urine, you can’t get much more beautiful than lepidopterans. Unless it’s the third one. He’s been sick. *Groan* I’m not much more fond of that overused chestnut. Here’s a change up: It lows, and calls itself a buttermilkfly. No laughs? Might as well take me home, then.

And so we head back. But there’s a fog! Is every trip Avery takes us on going to end like this? We try our best to land, but we’ll have to settle for ending up part of an amusement park ride. Just relax and get dizzy. Once someone throws up, they’ll stop the machine.

Favorite Part: As sick as I am of “sick” jokes, they did do a good job making that ‘fly look sickly. The bloodshot eyes were especially effective.

Personal Rating: 1. Drawn out jokes, racist jokes, and me being a bit bitter that I couldn’t find a complete print of the short. If you have one, share the wealth, would ya? I promise to lie and say I’ll raise the score a point.

 

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Double or Mutton

“Goodnight, Ralph.”

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Richard Thompson, Abe Levitow, Keith Darling and Ken Harris; Layouts and Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on July 13, 1955.

Well, time to get to work. Sheep aren’t going to watch themselves. You better be ready to pay handsomely to get someone excited about being a sheep watcher. Only people like me would do something like that for free. Sam clocks in. Ralph clocks in. Those sheep aren’t going to steal themselves. It would make a very lonely life for an animal that prefers to stay in a flock. And yes, the two main player’s finally have their definitive names.

With a blow of the whistle, Ralph starts digging. Pop up as needed to refill lungs and get a good view of the area. Probably best to do that behind trees so you won’t get spotted so easily. Ralph is spotted easily, and the next tree he looks behind is Sam. One punch down, infinite to go. And Ralph doesn’t have a company he could sue for his failings. (And if you still haven’t watched that movie yet, you’re failing me. Our friendship won’t last if you can’t do this only favor I’m asking.)

Better try the opposite of under the earth. Ralph flings a harpoon into a tree, ties its line to another, and makes a tightrope to cross. Now he can obtain an ovine with a lasso, and dart back across before Sam notices. Can not will, you understand.  Sam has taken over holding the right end for the tree, and demands the sheep. Ralph complies and sprints back to left, before Sam drops the line. He makes it to the harpoon, just before Sam drops that. Sheepdogs are faster than sound.

The next plan actually does function near perfectly! Ralph fires a rocket with a rope loop at Sam, and it takes him far away. Finally! It’s taken two other cartoons, but a mutton meal is on the way! I recommend the black sheep of this herd. Ironically, it’s the one with the white face! If only Ralph had accounted for trees that might have gotten Sam’s rocket lodged in. He never considered just walking the opposite way. Have you ever carried a ewe uphill?

Time for some acting. Dis guy’s disguise is Bo Peep. As part of his role, he’s lost his sheep, but Sam needn’t bother getting up. “She” can pick it out amongst the others and take it back to her cave. (Times are rough for those Peeps.) As “she” reveals she’s a wolf, “sheep” reveals he’s a dog. Meanwhile, a sheep is suffocating inside a dog suit. It’s baked mutton or nuttin’ for dinner! And later, Sam flips Ralph’s cannon back at him. Poor Ralph gets a color change for his muzzle.

You know, Sam’s a rather fuzzy guy. If his nose wasn’t so amazing, he’d be legally blind. All Ralph heard of that was “blind”. He pours some hair growth formula on Sam and the rain and sun do their part to work it in. After the storm, Sam’s face is even more covered than usual. And he doesn’t react to Ralph waving in front of his lack of line of sight. Or Ralph’s eyes changing color. It must be working! It’s taken about three cartoons, but a mutton meal is on the way!

And Sam grabs Ralph before he lays a paw on the livestock. But time comes to rescue, and the clock says the two are done for the day. Bidding each other goodnight, they head off for a haircut and massage, respectively.

Favorite Part: The smile on Ralph’s face when he realizes he dug behind Sam. It’s equal points horrified, clueless, and hilarious. Beautifully complimented by Sam’s wry little half grin.

Personal Rating: 4. And that’s all on Ralph here. His expressions and dances belie his carnivorous nature, and make him look like an overly confident kid.

 

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Crockett-doodle-doo

“So I’m not a smart hunter.”

He’s practically an education!

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Warren Batchelder, Tom Ray, George Grandpre, and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Bob Singer; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on June 25, 1960.

It’s a beautiful day! And you should take advantage of every one of those, since Earth’s stupid axis keeps weather from being pleasant 24/365.25. Foghorn decides to spend it out in the wilderness. As he goes on his way, he sees Egghead Jr. (making a final appearance) enjoying the day the way I would: face planted in a book. Back in these days, a good chunk of adults didn’t understand that it’s a perfectly healthy way to spend one’s childhood. Foghorn decides to help out.

He’s not a moment too soon, as those difficult books have done something to Egghead’s head. When he means yes, he shakes his head, and nods for a no. That’s Foggy’s assessment anyhow, and I’m not going to doubt anyone with a dead raccoon on their noggin. The kid’s coming along and he’ll learn everything there is to know about roughing it. I’d come along, but I failed killing a trout with my bare hands back in my school days. If M&M’s weren’t around, I’d have starved long ago.

First step is getting a fire going. Without matches because those don’t exist in the wild. I don’t know if Foggy is doing it wrong, but it looks like it could work. Just would take time and effort, like all best things in life. But brains mean we can do things faster, cheaper, and supposedly better! Jr. demonstrates by making a match out of a stick. Foghorn deems the stunt impossible, and tries it himself. The stick doesn’t ignite, but his plumes do.

Once you’ve got a fire, you might as well get something to cook over it. Foghorn carves himself a didgeridoo and calls it a duck call. It’s better than that, though. It’s a pig call! One or two toots and you’ll get an adorable, excitable porcine pal who is eager to give you a ride. I want it. I will have it. And true happiness will finally be mine. Finally, someone to share my M&M’s with!

Now what kind of wilderness activities would these be without a little casual stereotyping? Foghorn puts on his native garb to participate in a little smoke signalling. Could you really send more of a message than “I’m over here.”? The kid can. And this proves he can communicate. Another thing from these days: many adults thought if you didn’t talk, it was because you weren’t smart enough to. Rather than realizing we’re smart enough not to.

Foggy’s getting a little upset that he keeps being made the fool, so he’s going to trick the little smarty into thinking he’s done the impossible: doing a dance to start a storm. He’s got sheet metal and a watering can hidden in the trees, so when he pulls the ropes, he can make it till he fakes it. Jr. will never see those ropes. (There’s colored chunks of space around that can. I think the universe is unraveling faster than I intended. I mean… eh, I don’t care what you think of it.)

Guess what? Junior can do the same but better. He places some dry ice in a paper airplane, and sends it towards a low hanging cloud. Rain and lightning abound. Maybe this would actually work! If I’m ever dumb enough to take another airplane trip, I’ll be sure to throw some of that stuff out the window. We might as well move on to trapping now. Most eating-prey would only be answering our calls at this point.

Foghorn sets his trap, and sees Jr. making a much more elaborate one. He once told a different kid this kind of stuff doesn’t work, but doesn’t recall that it did work and he got eaten afterwards. Jr.’s is more fun though, and it flings Foghorn every which way and what way before getting him snared. If there’s a silver lining, it’s that Foghorn is now finally convinced to attain higher learning. And just think, if he works really hard, he could be a C.E.O. one day!

Favorite Part: Jr. makes an actual duck call that works. I knew it would. Made funny with the reveal that it attracted the young, hormonal, teen ducks. (Given how smart the kid is, I’m guessing he wanted this.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Coyote Vs Acme (First Thoughts)

“How hard can it be to catch a bird?”

Coyote goes a courtin’.

The wait has been agonizing. For years now, we’ve waited to be able to see this movie. Not even 100% sure we’d ever get to without underhanded means. But the fans and movie industry weren’t going to just ignore the problem this time. We made fusses. We made sure W.B. knew how angry and disappointed we were in them. We signed petitions. We made our voices heard since Wile E. didn’t have that luxury. We never gave up and we were rewarded in the end. It’s beautiful.

If you’re on this site, you’ve seen this film.  You know it’s great, but let me explain why just in case. I’ll spoil as little as I can, but you get the warning regardless.

I must admit, I was pleased with the attendance at my theater. Not sold out, but mostly full and not even entirely comprised of single, middle-aged, animation nerds. There were families and young couples! And that one annoying kid who wouldn’t stop loudly playing with his reclining seat. But I’m choosing to believe he was just having a hard time getting comfortable. Myself, I was there with my parents, brother and his wife. None of whom are fans of my caliber, but have enough interest to not just be there for courtesy’s sake.

The film wastes no time getting started. And does a good job of making you feel bad for Wile E. It’s never been hard, but you need to keep that sympathy for feature length. That’s a bit more tricky. Even better, the preexisting characters still feel like themselves in this. There wasn’t a moment where I was rolling my eyes and thinking “They wouldn’t do that. Come on!” Wile E. is the genius I’ve always known him to be, but also a toon. Doing a few actions that don’t serve him in any way, except being funny. Even Foghorn playing an antagonistic role. He felt believable! He’s never been the nicest guy, but when sorting the Tunes into “good and evil” categories, most would put him in good. Me included.

Branching off from the characters, they utilized a ton of them. And it was thrilling to see some who had still yet to make it to one of these films. I audibly said “YES!” when the Dodo appeared. Was not expecting Babbit and Catstello to show up. And was proud when by bro recognized Cool Cat! (Okay, so he just referred to him as “That tiger from the ’60’s.” A victory is a victory.) And they looked good! … For the most part! Okay, so I can’t say they looked perfect. Correction: I can’t say they ALL did.

My golden boys, Porky and Bugs, looked the best. Maybe because they were hand drawn? I don’t know why the others had to be c.g. Expenses, no doubt, but then why not do the same for all? I’m not complaining. They still looked nice enough! Right up until the film’s end. The budget running out by then? Why did that final crowd look so rough? I never wanted to see Hippety Hopper put down before, but it would have been a blessing! (I’m probably exaggerating.)

The live actors? Fine. I don’t know if I’m the best person to judge that. But I didn’t find anyone halfphoning or assing it in. The antagonists were my favorites. Delightfully hammy, but still believable for the world they were set in. Which also merits bringing up. This movie suggests that the characters were never actors. Wile E. has to introduce himself to everyone. Bugs isn’t immediately recognized by his voice alone. It’s not a big deal, but they do show the original shorts a few times. Maybe that’s just how Wile E. is remembering things? Then how does that explain the brief snippet of “Hare-way to the Stars“? Did Bugs really go into space?

The only other part I was raising my eyebrow at? There is a liar reveal in this picture. But it’s over and done so quick, that it made me question if it was really necessary. However, it did lead into the emotional low point of the film (as usual) and it looked like Wile E. had finally and truly quit. That’s when I heard that kid say “Don’t give up!” And my heart warmed. He had been invested after all! Even better, he saw the character as real as the human actor. So I have no way of proving that. I just figured that if you can get a reaction out of anybody, you’re doing something right.

What I was really worried about was the comedy. A lot of the later Looney works have been hit and miss in that department. My worries turned out to be as hilarious as the film. This was some great slapstick! Fast, punchy, crunchy, inventive and never distracting from the story at hand. Spoken jokes were also witty, and even Wile E.’s sign language got some good giggles. I was laughing out loud and I wasn’t the only one. (I was the only one who made sure to watch all the credits. The fam. doesn’t count because they were asking to leave.)

Oh yeah, this film had the heart too. It’s great to see Wile E. making friends. It’s sobering when you find out what Acme has been doing to toons. It’s beautiful when Granny is reunited with her lost husband. (Yeah, who’d have thought her and Peter Lorre would be together? Guess the “Pete” name doesn’t need to be used around here anymore.) And biggest of all: it’s beautiful to see what I’ve always figured for years: the Road Runner sees Wile E. as a friend. (Of course, now for the sake of argument, what if Wile E. caught him eventually? Could he really eat the guy?)

I’m eagerly awaiting my next viewing. I know I missed some cameos. (Several names are written down on files, but I only saw Rocky and Mugsy’s. Why are they the two characters I’m always able to notice?) It’s already risen to 2nd place on my Looney movies chart. And the highest praise I can give it? I’m certain that Chuck would have loved it too. Thank you Ketchup, for bringing us this opportunity. Thank you everyone who helped.

Favorite Part: Wile E.’s Rube Golberg finale. It’s fun to watch, you have no idea what it’s supposed to do on a first viewing, and the little extra bit of icing on the cherry on top? Wile E. waving his fingers like a conductor. He’s in his element, and since Acme had no part in it, it goes off without a hitch.

Personal Rating: 4

 

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The Jet Cage

“And a cwash helmet comes with it!”

Written and Directed by Friz Freleng; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Art Leonardi, Virgil Ross, Lee Halpern, and Bob Matz; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc, June Foray; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn*. A Looney Tune released on September 22, 1962.

*Sadly, the poor guy wouldn’t live to finish the work. If you’ve watched these shorts as much as I have, you can tell when Bill Lava takes over. If you need an answer without the effort, it’s around the 2:30 mark.

Tweety is depressed. What does every bird wish for most of all? Why, to be able to fly underwater like the penguins do. (Well, the penguins don’t wish that. They wish for a less squatty skeleton.) But barring that, having space to actually fly isn’t too shabby either. Granny has the right idea to keep him cooped up. There are dangers outside. Thufferin’ dangers. Stalwart dangers that never stop waiting for the rare moment the cage is opened. They’ve got the patience.

As always, modern science and consumerism has the answer! The title cage! It’s a birdcage capable of jet-propelled flight which means small birds can enjoy the joy of flight without any of the actual exercise. But fresh air! And maybe the occasional insect snack slipping through the bars! And the best part: the human doesn’t have to do squat. And at $12.95, they’re pratically giving them away. I’ll take seven!

One purchase later, and Tweety is finally able to fulfill his destiny. Now, in real life, this would be a bad idea. No canary could pilot it, and they would just end up slammed against the bars and dead. And that’s reason 9,093 why real life sucks and fiction is much better. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who can’t differentiate between the two. Would make things more interesting, that’s for sure. I’d probably get more attention, too.

Back in the cartoon, Sylvester watches the flying cage. What’s more annoying than something you can’t break into? Just that, but now it’s flying out of reach. He needs some sort of device that can net flying things out of the air. Entomologists use them. A what do you call it… butterfly snatcher? Moth obtainer? Grabby parts? I’m calling them grabby parts. Whatever you choose to call it manages to capture the prey, but it’s fairly strong. Sylvester gets dragged into a pole.

Tweety needs instructions on what to do in fog, so he lands to learn. Really sounds like something the human should handle. I mean, would you let your birdcage out in a thunderstorm? Sylvester would. Cooked by lightning meat is a taste sensation only the most extreme and lucky gourmets will ever get to taste. (It tastes crunchy. Now you know.) Wait! Tweety’s out in the open! Get him! Get him! Get… in the cage. Yeah, sure. I just hope you know how to fly this thing, putty-tat, because you waited too long to attack, and now you’re up in the atmosphere.

Tweety might be aware. I mean, it’d be hard not to be. He opens the bomb bay doors to jettison the unwanted load. If he wasn’t aware, he was either just testing them, or cleaning out the old newspapers. Two can play at the bombing game, and many more besides! Sylvester decides to just do it with a Nike bomb. And if you think this was what started the idea for a 90’s movie that has split the fans forever, let me play wet blanket by reminding you of the Greek goddess of victory. She had wings.

It goes up, it goes down. Sylvester hides in a barrel, but it gets in just in time. He doesn’t notice until he’s already nailed himself inside for safety purposes. (Love the little detail of him straightening out a nail.) I think the simplest solution is going to be your best bet. Flying by yourself. You’re a feline, so we can call you a flion. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Flap some fans and gain some altitude. That cage isn’t really all that fast, so you’ll catch-up.

And he does. Tweety also employs the S.S. by pointing out that Sylvester has his paws full. How could he possibly grab him? Sylvester drops the fans. Sylvester drops. He’s lucky to get away with nothing worse than some broken bones. I think my spine would have snapped and my organs would have ruptured. That’s reason 9,094 why real life sucks. But Sylvester always has a plan. He’s going to join the U.S.A.F. May take a while, but he’ll be flying. (Still living) Birds beware!

Favorite Part: The timing with the rocket was great. Coming in right as Sylvester was popping out to grab the barrel lid. Chef’s kiss! (Well, maybe the single ones don’t.)

Personal Rating:3.

And with that, my waiting for “Coyote Vs Acme” is finally about to pay off! Oh, it’s been a grueling wait, but will it be worth it? Come next week, I’ll be sharing my first thoughts. But you should also go see it yourself regardless. Make this a success! I’m commanding you! I might even throw in a “please” next time if there’s ever a next time.

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Go Away Stowaway

“Looksth a little rough out there.”

It’s nice to have a mouse around the ship.

Directed by Alex Lovy; Story by Cal Howard; Animation by Volus Jones, Ted Bonnicksen, LaVerne Harding, and Ed Solomon; Layouts by David Hanan and Lin Larson; Backgrounds by Bob Abrams; Film Editor: Hal Geer; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by William Lava. A Merrie Melody released on September 30, 1967.

As things get started, Speedy makes sure the camera is rolling before performing. That’s acting 101. Although he’s singing instead. His tune annoys Daffy who is also living wherever the two are. Let’s just assume they share rent, and that’s why Daffy only tells him to can it instead of trying to off him like usual. Speedy figures Daffy could use a vacation, and that’s a good excuse for Speedy to do the same. But Daffy would never do something Speedy suggested. There must be a sneakier way.

Speedy sprinkles soap chips off the roof. From inside, it looks like it’s snowing outside. That’s just mean. Don’t ever trick anyone into thinking it’s the worst time of the year. And for those of you who think you like Winter, no. What you really like is being able to survive through it. There’s no shame in admitting it’s worse than awful. Especially around here. I’m tirading because I didn’t like this short and hope that we can talk about the weather instead. It’s reasonably warm where I am right now. How about you?

Daffy falls for the trick and packs for the south. (What are the shirts for?) Unknowingly gaining a hitchhiker in Speedy. Before he leaves, Daffy bitterly tells the mouse he can now make all the sound he desires while the trip is in progress. Speedy asks where they’re going from the luggage, but Daffy isn’t inviting him. Someone has to keep the bills paid. It makes sense and is less insulting than “Speedy’s just coming for the sake of the plot.” Don’t you want to believe things are flowing organically?

Also, Daffy opted to take a cruise and a cheapwad like him isn’t paying for two tickets. But no sooner is he settled than he finds Speedy guitaring on the same deck. This is an easy fix: just alert the captain about the stowaway/vermin problem. Speedy flees the scene but he needn’t worry too much. The budget doesn’t actually allow any other characters to appear on screen, so Daffy has to give chase. He chases up the rigging, but Speedy cuts the line and Daffy ends up in a smokestack.

He doesn’t react to that though. What hurts him is the steam whistle blowing on him as he exits. I don’t doubt that would hurt too, but after the stack? He lands on the shuffleboard court, and Speedy sends a puck into his beak. I think it grew in size, too. But Daffy could have shrunk. I’m sure he got dehydrated going into a smokestack. Continuing the chase, Speedy gets him in the water where the barely animated sharks live. Daffy survives and decides he might as well stay in his room. He’s learning!

Speedy is hungry, and wants Daffy’s food. He gets the duck to lose his appetite with the classic “phony ocean swaying in front of the porthole” bit. But look! No cheese! A cartoon mouse who isn’t having cheese at least play a supporting role in dinner! That tends to be rare, so I thought I’d bring it up. Because I’m still not enjoying this picture and the next joke was so awful, that I dropped it down a point in rating. It’s worse than worse than awful. Yeah. That bad.

Daffy decides to pretend the ship is sinking, so Speedy will abandon it. He rings the alarm bell, and Speedy runs in circles shrieking. And Daffy just believes him. That’s… wow. That’s pathetic! Daffy isn’t that dumb! He could be tricked into thinking it was real! Or Speedy could have insulted his ego! (“Sorry Señor Duck, but you are too fat to fit in thees life boat.”) Or he could see Speedy flirting with a hottie in a lifeboat! Or… or… *primal scream*! Was anybody having fun making the cartoons at this point in time?

After the simplified shark chases him back on board, Daffy decides to just get rid of Speedy. He plans to drop an anchor on him from the crows nest. Speedy will never notice the target painted on the ground. (I, however, will notice Speedy’s nose changing color with every step he takes. Do you think the inkers ever did that on purpose just to see if they could get away with it?) Speedy walks off before things connect, and the anchor punches a hole in the ship. Going down?

Well, the ship has sunk and every human on board went with it. I can prove this: Daffy is left floating in the water (Speedy on his belly) but that shark isn’t bothering with him now. There’s so much more meat a fathom or two down that isn’t struggling. As to why Daffy isn’t pushing Speedy into the water? Oh goody! The cartoon is over!

Favorite Part: Blegh! I haven’t such a hard time deciding since “Tokio Jokio“. I’m still not ever sure I’ve made the right decision, but I’m choosing that Speedy didn’t once consider parting with Daffy. Maybe he sees the duck as his only friend? I mean, he’s not usually trying to mess with Daffy. It’s the other way around.

Personal Rating: 1. I wish we could have seen these two characters team up in the 50’s. It would at least look more polished.

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Nothing but the Tooth

“I- I could getcha into cah-cartoons.”

 

(Johnny Smith and) Pork-ahuntas

Directed by Arthur Davis; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by J.C. Melendez, Don Williams, John Carey, and Basil Davidovich; Layouts by Don Smith; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on May 1, 1948.

1848 7/8. Sounds like the perfect year for a California gold rush! You want to work for a living? What are you, un-American? Porky’s taking a stab at it, which means all the cool person is doing it. And I do constantly worry about how the few people who acknowledge my existence view me. Let’s go west, pardners! Just as soon as I remember what kind of threats we’d likely face in this era.

Aw, yes. “Indians”. (Why did that term stick around so long? Just to keep the public from learning who was here first?) Porky has more balls than anyone who was born with three, so he defiantly (if a bit cautiously) enters their territory. And the arrows fly, destroying his wagons. They’re on their way and that means someone has to be the meat shield. If I volunteered, would Porky hug me or label me a kiss@$$? Either one is a win.

I laugh at Porky choosing his horse for the position. His tone suggests he was expecting the equine to applaud his idea, but the beast would rather the roles reverse. You’re running out of time, boys! Porky estimates a zillion of them, but in actuality, it’s one. (That was a very close answer, though. B+.) Or maybe it would be more polite to suggest it’s 1/2. It’s a nipper of a native that has his tomahawk  set on Porky’s scalp. We’ll call him Pee-Wee, simply because Porky does and I try to always do what he does.

P.W. has a simple request: lose the hat. You just can’t scalp a pig who’s wearing a hat. (If I knew anything about gifs, this is where I’d stick one of Homer Simpson saying “You can’t kill him if he’s wearing people clothes!”) Porky refuses and tells the runt to run along. Porky has got to save all his worrying energy for actual threats. But since P.W. is the only threat appearing in this picture, he’s going to show up plenty more.

Well, he’s got big feet, large ears, and and nose that would put an aardvark to shame, so he’s not going to get Porky the physical way. Since he’s not athletic or good looking, it’s a good thing he’s smart or he’d have no reason to exist. He hides in a stoplight, nabbing Porky’s hat when the pig stops. His lack of reaction time makes him miss. So he introduces Porky to his wife instead. She’s about twice his size and maybe five times as wide. Is there a toxic waste dump out here?

Per a friendly reminder, Porky takes his hat off when greeting a lady. Then slips a metal helmet on when P.W. takes another swing at him. If only there were any other prospector prospects out here. Then he might have a chance. So for his next plan, he sends Porky a gift. (The deliverer looks to be one of Maverick’s ancestors. It’s obviously not, but I don’t care.) Oh the possibilities it could contain. Each one requires Porky have a firearm  in hand. Let’s see what he got.

A feathered headdress! Is the little guy finally admitting Porky’s superiority and accepting his place as his b*tch? Or was he just using it as camouflage so he could get on Porky’s head? (Wait, that doesn’t count as a hat?) Porky flings him into a billboard. (‘Warren’ and ‘Foster’. I love it.) It’s like I’ve been telling ya, you can’t fool Porky’s brain. Try his heart. The little guy does, and he pulls out all the stops. That is a fine lookin’ lady! Even better is how Porky reacts.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the guy be so horny! Look at him! Bedroom eyes, calling himself “Daddy”, going in for a kiss without consent. It’s out of character and hilarious! It’s a good thing she isn’t real or this could be a little disgusting. Still, it’s the closest Pee-Wee has gotten all day. And Porky is also big enough to admit this was his own mistake. He gets even by smacking the twerp’s tomahawk against a rock to get some good vibrations going, and hands it back to the owner. Shake it til you make it!… You’ll be shaking it forever.

He decides he’s just going to chase Porky across the country until the deed is done. If Porky wasn’t so merciful, he could just kill the pest. The next option is running. And paddling in a canoe after that. And after that? Going upstream with the salmon. And we don’t need any other steps because P.W. gets netted with the fish and sent to the canning factory. What does your wife see in you?

California at last! There’s gold and its mine. Porky sets to digging and Euweaka! Gold at wast! Specifically, Pee-Wee’s gold tooth. Would you look at that! Our title made some sense after all! This is why Davis ultimately lost his unit. You weren’t seeing shorts named “Emancipation Ducklamation“, “In a Pickle Wagon” or “Paint we got fun?” were you?

Favorite Part: It was horny Porky. He’s normally so well behaved around women.

Personal Rating: Poor aging leaves you stuck at three. Shame, as title aside, I would be tempted to give a four.