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Tweet Dreams

“Are you nervous?”

Directed by Friz Freleng. A Merrie Melody released on December 5, 1959.

Animals have emotions, and that means mental problems too. Modern sciences allow certain doctors to become experts on the mind, and can give you someone to talk to, so you can manage to overcome non-physical problems and live life more happy and carefree. It doesn’t really work on humans. I know ’cause I tried it once.

Sometimes the answer to what’s troubling a beast is very simple. Take the latest patient walking out of the clinic: a dog who thinks he’s a cat. The solution? His negligent owner just needs to stop giving him cat food. I could’ve figured that out. That means I’m a genius! Next patient! Sylvester is next, but he’s here by himself, and talks to the staff. This world is weird. Strange. Off putting. I like it here. Why care for an animal when you could just charge it rent?

As Sylvester gets himself comfortable on the couch, and is told to relay his life story, we realize we’re going to be stuck in one of those clip-show cartoons. I’d sigh, but I haven’t the energy. Sylvester begins with his childhood. Odd enough, to see one of McKimson’s shorts included, but more so? Sylvester is painting himself as his son! Does this mean we’re seeing Jr. as an adult? Does this mean all the shorts without Jr. are him as an adult? You can’t be too certain, seeing as being a ‘junior’ means his name really is Sylvester. Is that true for all the tomcats in their family? Is it sylvesters all the way back? Felis silvestris?

Back in “not making a big deal over something trivial land”, Sylvester uses a clip from “Whose kitten who” to explain that his dad never taught him how to catch mice, as they weren’t around. He can tie a kangaroo down, though. (Sport.) Without a mother, this meant he was straight outta luck for hunting. He had to resort to fishing, as that is done by instinct. He recalls the time in “Sandy Claws” where all he got for his troubles was a tour of a tuna’s digestive tract.

It was a fateful day, as that was when he first laid his eyes on Tweety, via a very goofy still frame. Almost as if someone was angry they weren’t getting to animate enough new footage. This first encounter led Sylvester to crash into a rock via water-skis, so he instantly decided to forget things by taking a trip to the (“Tweety’s) Circus”.  Who would’ve guessed Tweety worked there? He gives in to another chase, which ended with him angering an elephant. You’d think this would cause him to support the ivory trade, but no, it just convinced him that Tweety had to die.

They were just suddenly living together after that. He was no longer just “A Street Cat Named Sylvester“. It was a nice home, but he couldn’t enjoy it what with the canary obsession. Now being owned by Granny, he had to make sure his chases weren’t sighted. Hiding in her knitting box could cause him to lose fur, and I’m sure that also triggered something in him. And now we jump to Christmas, because this selection of clips wasn’t random enough. There were some “Gift Wrapped” shenanigans that got Granny wise to his game. It was probably her that suggested he get help, or vacate his new domicile. What other choice did he have? Go back to fishing? Move back in with dad? Do some theater work?

Wouldn’t you know it, the doctor fell asleep. Not the worst idea to have during a clip show. But, rude nonetheless. Doesn’t even apologize. His more important problem is flying to Detroit. Telling Sylvester to call for another appointment, he jumps out the window. Not the worst idea to have dur- He can fly. This world is disturbing. Surreal. Non-cannon. Not having the money for any more visits, Sylvester flies after him.

Favorite Part: That ending was so random that I feel like if I didn’t give it the coveted position, it would hurt me. Mentally, per the theme.

Personal Rating: 1. I really don’t think you should watch these in an era where many of the featured clips can be watched in whole on physical media/whatever you’d call the opposite.

And with that said, can you believe I’ve been doing this for fifteen years now? I haven’t improved much. I’m also considering something: I’ve had my own idea for an animated series for almost as long, and I’ve never really discussed it anywhere with anyone. I’d like to just put my thoughts out there, and I think this blog could be good for that. But maybe visitors don’t want to read about my own creations? I give you a week from today. If you want to tell me no, this is your chance. Seriously, I don’t know why nobody ever wants to comment. I post the few I get, regardless of what they say. It costs you nothing, you know.

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Dog Gone Modern

*Whimper, whimper, whine*

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Rich Hogan; Animation by Phil Monroe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 14, 1939.

The first appearance of Charles and Joe! If you don’t know who they are, shame on you for not reading any of my previous posts! No, don’t bother looking for any links. It’s not really a punishment if I provide an easy out now is it? If this is genuinely your first time here, I apologize.

There’s an open house that has a unique twist: it’s one of those electronic does-it-itself types that basically does all the living for you. It’s easy, but boring. But easy, so I’d buy it. And hey, open house means open to any species! And if dogs want to see if they’re a good match, I say let them. People aren’t supposed to judge humans who want to remain single, so why can’t dogs get the same treatment? If they can afford it, it’s theirs’!

Charles and Joe decide they might as well take a look. They’re a little spooked that the door opens via electronic eye. There’s a sign right there, you two. Just look to your left! And Charles? Please stop turning a darker shade of brown. You’re not an octopus. And don’t think I don’t notice that white ear, Joe! Honestly, you’re both too old to do these kind of things in public. Maybe you aren’t responsible enough to be homeowners. Take the free tour and get lost.

They manage to figure the door out and enter. Joe is definitely scared, but tries to play things cool. They both jump a bit when a recorded voice welcomes them to this house of tomorrow. They’re free to press any of the buttons they find, as they will start a demonstration of one of the many functions the place provides. Just be careful around the electronic neuterer. It’s still too aggressive. Joe pushes the first button he comes across: the one for the automatic sweeper. It just needs a reason to be called, so the house gets some cigar ash on the ground.

The vaguely humanoid sweeper works wonders. We like to call her “Electronic interior aide” or “Elia” for short. She does her thing, and goes back to her closet, which relieves the dogs. Things without faces aren’t relatable. Joe opts to push another button, this one labeled as “Automatic Control”, but the sign changes when he attempts. Now saying, “I wouldn’t touch that, chum.” Joe is upset, and this proves that at least he can read. Why didn’t you read that electronic eye sign? What and what aren’t you guys capable of?

Charles has made his way to the kitchen and decides to see the electric dish washer in action. He can read too. Maybe it’s this house. It raises the I.Q.’s of all inside it. That makes sense, right? The procedure goes off without a hitch. The dishes are washed, dried, and ready for use. Back with Joe, he decides to hit the switch regardless of warnings. Now saying “O.K. buddy, you asked for it.” the house… opens a panel. Well, what do you expect from about twenty seconds of build-up? Most of which was off screen. Wait, why am I defending such a lame payoff? Because it successfully scared Joe.

Darting into the kitchen, Joe gets the door to smack Charles into the washers grasp. Sucks for the big guy, but at least its gentle enough. Joe then laughs, but I’m not entirely convinced its at his brother/boyfriend/husband/good friend. It looks like he’s amused by the device labeled, “Napkin Folder.” I bet it is the former, but Chuck’s guys really should have made the off screen Charles exist in a different direction. Speaking of the folder, Joe pushes it in his mirth and ends up in a drawer. He doesn’t like it in there. The real napkins make fun of him.

He runs for it as best as he can, knocking Charles back into the dish washer clutches. Too bad that one was operated by a flip-switch. It’ll just keep going and going until it runs out of juice. And I don’t think future houses have that kind of problem. Joe got himself free from the napkin ring by crashing into an ornamental pot. Elia returns, even though her button wasn’t pressed this time. She’s evolving! She proves how advanced she is by making the conscious choice to sweep her debris under the rug and make sure no one caught her. Give her a face and I might be desperate enough to court her!

Joe then finds the best device this shack has to offer: a bone dispenser. He can’t enjoy himself, because it landed on the floor and Elia takes it away. (I saw your torso change color too, missy.) While chasing her, Joe knocks Charles into the washer once more. Can dogs prune? Elia takes refuge in her closest and knocks the pup into an electronic music maker. It looks like a piano with arms, but it has other instruments. And scary heads that sing along. Wanna see my impression of this house? I’m the automatic bowel releaser!

Joe gets knocked around by the instruments and ends up launched into a vase. Once on the floor he realizes who’s coming, and darts off. Guess who he knocks back into what? Wait. Instead, consider this: Elia is out of her closest! Joe finds the bone she stole and takes it back. She isn’t about to let him get away with this, so Joe runs again. Dogs are good at that. He ends up on a rug that flies around the house. Because future. You won’t even need to use an escalator to reach your second story anymore.

Charles has gotten himself free again, and this time tries to skedaddle when he hears Joe’s approach. He gets scooped up on the rug, and both end up landing in the garbage disposal. Don’t worry! The future ones aren’t blenders hidden in your sink. They’re just chutes that lead to the cans. Elia shows up, knowing her target would end up here, but Joe kills her with a hammer to her “head.” He can now enjoy his bone. Nope! Charles has been through the wringer more today, so he keeps it for himself. All that and he’s bigger too!

Favorite Part: The pups have been making dog noises the whole picture. It catches you off guard when Joe laughs like a Mel.

Personal Rating: 2. It’s cute, gotta give it that. But Charles got stuck in a running gag that I don’t think needed to reach a fourth go-around. I like cute Chuck. I adore actually humorous Chuck.

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Robinson Crusoe Jr.

“Waiter, waiter, percolator!”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; (His first time!) Animation by Veve Risto; Story by Melvin Millar; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on October 25, 1941.

Porky is going sailing! Maybe as part of the U.S. Navy, maybe as a freighter. Or I guess it could be for fun. What isn’t hard to guess is Porky’s attitude. He expects smooth sailing. And you know I’d be joining him if I was alive in the 40’s. Strangely enough, all the rats on the ship flee before it can sail. Now, rats are dang smart. But pigs are dang smarter. They’re d*mn smart! Porky believes the rats to be clueless cowards who wouldn’t know a ship sinking from a sub sandwich. (Porky? Did your arm just phase through the side of the ship?)

Nine weeks in and we’re still floating! And why shouldn’t we? This ship comes with a guarantee to be unsinkable. Signed by Thomas Andrews himself! I don’t care if the signature says “John Hancock”. Haven’t you heard of incredibly unoriginal pen names? D*mn smart as he is, Porky can’t help but wonder how the vessel would fair in a hurricane. Well, since you want to know so bad… Porky finds himself washed ashore on an island; the sole survivor of the storm. It’s just like that one story: “The Swiss Family Robinson!”

Luckily, Porky was expected. A little guy named Friday is here to greet and invite him to live together. (No, I’m not Friday.) The book chapter transitions I haven’t mentioned have jumped from VI back to III. Because that’s how numbers worked back then. Friday is pretty much a black stereotype. Rochester voice, unfunnily large lips; I do like his hat and spats. Very dapper. But in the spirit of adaptation, I’d just like to remind you that Friday wasn’t black in the original manuscript. If Mickey hadn’t done something similar six years earlier, I’d be more depressed.

He’s also got quite the accommodations. Complete with Bedrock style appliances. Turtle washboard; elephant spigots. How does one get just cold water to come out of a mammal? Is it a zombie? They sing too! That song will be stuck in your head all day if you let it. I did. Friday is a man of schedules. Today is Monday is washday is Friday’s. Porky might as well look about his new home and encounter some gags as he does. Not the funniest ones, but not the absolute worse. Two of whom I must discuss a bit further.

One: Porky finding a parrot and asking why it doesn’t respond to him. It’s waiting for the $64.00 question, but it was still presumptuous to assume being a parrot automatically means it can mimic. I’m an adult, and yet, people don’t just assume I drink. This picture already had an unfair stereotype. It didn’t need two! Second: animals gathered at a watering hole. Water cooler, I mean. They flee when they see Porky watching them, leaving a mess of papers. A feline of some sort (couldn’t be a tiger) returns to tidy up. The trash can reminds one to keep the desert island clean. But does this really qualify as one? Looks lush to me.

Porky comes across human footprints leading into a cave. So the island is more inhabited than he thought. Why isn’t Friday with these guys anyhow? He a misanthrope? Very noble. Porky enters to… establish trade? Show them whose boss around here? Eat them? Probably eat them. Pigs can eat humans very efficiently. It’s how I want my body disposed. Speaking of eating, the natives chase Porky. It isn’t fair to call them cannibals, seeing as they’re chasing PORKy. I’m not in favor of this, but I’m sick of people thinking cannibalism means eating something only similar to you. (We eat other mammals. So why do people freak out when cartoon fish try to eat each other?)

Porky flees back to camp. (I like him being faster than his footprints. That’s a decent gag.) Friday is equally scared, and is more than eager to join Porky once he carves a motor boat. Not willing to pass up a food source, the natives throw their spears. Who would’ve thought they could do that? Porky, still d*mn smart, stops things by putting up a sign on the boat saying their American. Listen, eating someone to survive is one thing. The crap the Nazis were pulling? They may be wild, but these guys aren’t savages!

Favorite Part: They bothered to only put four toes on the native footprints. They didn’t need to do that, as most people probably wouldn’t check to see to see if they were accurate, but they didn’t insult our intelligence. Almost as if they had a vision of a smart@$$ blogger discussing their work over 80 years later.

Personal Rating: 2. Weak gags and bad stereotypes. Two reasons for a two.

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Clean Pastures

“♫Only half of me wants to be good.”♫

Supervision by I. Freleng; Animation by Phil Monroe and Paul Smith; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on May 22, 1937.

There’s an infinite number of planets out there. (Though it’s probably closer to 3 million and 2.) Besides Earth, there’s a few others that can sustain life, and do, too. Today, we’ll visit this one. The one I’m pointing to. I don’t known the name of it, but it has a land named “Harlem”. I’m pretty sure the inhabitants have visited in the years beyond 3000. Unfortunately, before evolution helped them appear like actual human beings, the folks bore uncanny resemblances to stereotypical African-Americans.

Enjoy small mercies. Such as that the people here aren’t especially dim-witted, or rude, or struggling to survive. Their only sin is an abundance of it! The women dance scantily-clad style. The national sport is tossing dice. Their drinks are all alcoholic. You can’t go sixty seconds without some vice occurring, which means it’s a sin-a-min. around here. Especially in that building sporting the name “-ucking club.” (Uck it, Hayes!)

That’s it for worldly wonders. Let’s set our sights heavenward. Pair-o-dice hasn’t been doing so hot since we last saw them. Bad choices being so fun, combined with temptation making it seem smart is really hitting them in the stocks. The rival Hades company is simply the more popular location these days. If this place doesn’t get some business soon, it’ll get bought out for sure. Then the universe will be out of balance, and is liable to collapse on itself. Lots of legal trouble.

St. Peter needs to drum up some interest, but Gabriel plays trumpet. (Am I really not deleting that?) It’s uncomfortable listening to him as well, since he has that Stepin Fetchit voice. And mannerisms. And a nose that goes full black and an ear that does the opposite. And with those wings acting as limbs, he’s technically classified as a hexapod. But he’s not doing anything important, so he can go down to Harlem and remind people that a life of virtue reaps great rewards! If you’re dead.

Oh wow. Nobody takes him seriously. And I suppose Ben Stein wouldn’t be a good spokes-model for the Disney parks, either. Seems this planet is screwed. Want to try preaching at my world? It’d go just as poorly, but you can use it as vacation time. Peter is going to have fight evil with evil and call in the focus groups. The angels Fats, Cab, Louis, and Jimmie know how to turn everybody around! Turn this place into a rhythm heaven! Music, maestro! That’s how you sell things! Convinced, Peter gives them the job.

Down below, they do their stuff. It’s a catchy number that will also feature in the novelization of this picture. Interest is captured! In fact, the people don’t even want to wait until death. Temptation could always rise up again, you know. They follow the spirits back up. I guess this doesn’t count as suicide. Otherwise Peter wasted so much money on those guys. Who were they working for?

Pair-o-dice is once more the place to be when you’re no longer being. So bursting as the seams are they, that Peter has to put up a “No Vacancy” sign. That’s a lie, but that isn’t a sin up here. I know its a lie because a knock is at the door, and a voice is attached asking for admittance. Peter says there’s always room for one more. Can I trust anything you say?

Favorite Part: The person asking to be let in was Satan. Cute.

Personal Rating: 2. Like all the musical “Censored” the soundtrack is fantastic. Worth viewing for the privilege to listen! And I do like the concept of Heaven trying to sell itself. Quite ironic that many people would say this cartoon is a sin in itself. But maybe you should use your own judgement? And only be allowed to ban your children from viewing if you think it’s as bad as hell.

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Porky’s Picnic

“Well…” “Here…” “We are!”

Porky’s day out.

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Robert Cannon and Vive Risto; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on July 15, 1939.

Porky is off to see his girlfriend. I’ve heard that it’s something you do when you are part of a couple. I really don’t know what to make of the faces he’s making, though. What exactly were you two planning to to today? Does it require privacy? I could talk about Pvt. Snafu if need be. Haven’t done that in a while.

Aww, what the heck. I’ll turn off my disgusting adult brain for the day. At least in terms of sexual innuendos. Porky and Petunia are just a couple of cherubs. Nothing more saucy planned than that titular picnic. (Porky nervously asking if Petunia wants to go to the pic for a parknic is extra adorable.) Always prepared for any activity her sweet chubboo wants to do, Petunia needs less than a second to get a basket and hat. And Pinkie can look after the house!

Yessir, he’s back. I don’t know who he’s related to this time, but Petunia really was going to leave him behind. Maybe she knows how most viewers feel about him? Even I have to admit he’s not as cute today. Chubby piggy bellies are always preferable to those odd nightgown things babies were always shown wearing in cartoons. (The bonnets were never cute.) The adults don’t make too much headway before the kid catches up on his paddle-bike. (I’ll be honest, I don’t know what that kind of toy would be called.)

Their plan for alone time foiled, they bring the piglet along. Porky even promising him a story should the kid behave. It’s that classic one about three bears and a peroxide blonde, as Porky calls her. Which is way less wimpy and childish. Porky tells tales that would make the Grimm’s proud! Pinkie doesn’t give a dang. He pulls at the spike keeping the sidecar he and Petunia are in attached to Porky’s bike. Porky is unaware his guests are traveling down a different road, and a lady never screams for help, so Petunia decides to just let fate take its course.

This road goes parallel to some train tracks, so while Pinkie giggles with glee, Petunia prays that their car will run out of steam before they reach a crossing. No such luck. Good thing in these modern times, the blocking parts are designed to keep the train from crossing the cars path. Not like there on a timetable or anything. And the two make it safely back to Porky just as his tale finishes. (It was really good too! I liked the part where the bears explained how they stole their house from a human couple.) Petunia decides to keep everything a secret, because she doesn’t want Porky to know she is too dainty to save her own life. Makes her less attractive. (And yes, I saw that sign stating Looney Tunes are playing at the community hall. Best town ever!)

The trio arrive at the park. Porky knows what he’s going to do first! What anyone spending time with their soulmate and a young kid would do: nap. I’m learning some great tips on how to be in a relationship! Pinkie decides to amuse himself by participating in squirrel decapitation. Why no, that wasn’t a poor attempt by me to be funny by suggesting barbaric murder attempts are something the kid would naturally do. He grabs some scissors, and tries to separate head from neck. He doesn’t succeed though. Not like the Hayes’ code would have a problem. It’s an important skill kids need to know.

Petunia punishes the brat by telling him to nap as well. But Pinkie would rather partake in his favorite pastime: treating Porky as his personal piñata. My pal laughs it off, but makes it well known that Pinkie’s days are numbered. Maybe even less than that, seeing as how the kid isn’t making another appearance after this. What better way to spend your last day on Earth, than by visiting a zoo? Preferably one where the animals aren’t in cramped cages. So I guess Pinkie will die unhappy unless he can make it to the mid aughts.

Petunia alerts Porky to the problem. She’s just a woman, so she can’t do anything useful other than popping the kids out. May our country join a war and give the girls a chance to prove themselves to prove me wrong. Porky is up to any challenge, and finds the kid napping amidst some cougar cubs. The zookeepers are all on strike until the animals get actual habitats, so Porky enters himself. Mother cougar isn’t pleased to see Porky so near her offspring, and stealing their dinner. Chase time.

She’s a fair feline. When Petunia is about to faint, she patiently waits until Porky has attended to his lady. But this noble gesture just reminds the cat that her mate never did anything of the sort, and resumes the chase enviously angry. But Porky is smart! He decides to just exit the cage, and the murderous mama crashes into the bars. Porky crashes into some mud, but Petunia is more than just a lady, she’s a pig, and she gives the hero the kiss he deserves. Don’t let the mud getting on her and suggesting black face distract you from how cute they are together. It’s hard to believe she started as such a bit*h.

Pinkie tries to get his squirrel head trophy again, but the rodent Conker’s his @$$ with a plank of his own. I’m sure Pinkie’s tears are somebody’s favorite part! But as for me…

Favorite Part: Porky catching Pinkie with the plank and asking what he was going to do. Well, it’s just common courtesy to explain and demonstrate, isn’t it?

Personal Rating: 3. I suppose I’m being too nice, but nobody ever tries to debate me over my scoring, so I must be correct. It’s little touches that I think make it work. (Porky commenting on his “stutter”, combing his “hair”…) And I am a sucker for my favorite couples in fiction, just like all nerds. At least this one is canon!

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Hyde and go Tweet

“You bad ol’ putty-tat!”

Directed by Friz Freleng; Animation by Art Davis, Gerry Chiniquy, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. (The credits have visual images with them that show something the different crew members would’ve used for their contributions. I think it’s neat.)

Third time now Freleng’s unit has done a “Hyde” story. They running out of ideas, or perfecting them? Well…

Sylvester sleeps outside the building where Dr. Jekyll works or lives. The doctor has grown more hair and lost more irises since he tried adopting Bugs. He also has no hang-ups about drinking his weird juice anymore. Sylvester misses the transformation, and Jekyll is leaving. Nobody around to explain, nobody around to hear you shriek. But the life of a cat isn’t all naps and more naps. Eating sometimes happens too.

Tweety enters the picture, struggling to fly. He comments on how flying isn’t perfect, which is a weak answer. How about the more logical “flying is exercise, and like any exercise, will eventually use all your energy”? If there’s one thing I watch cartoons for, its the scientific accuracy. Sylvester gives chase, and Tweety enters into the Doctor’s room to find a place to hide. That bottle says “Hyde” on it, and Tweety doesn’t understand homophones, so it will work as well.

Sylvester searches, but is found first. Tweety has gotten the juice, and its made for quite the memorable design. You may not have seen the short, but you might have seen Tweety-hyde. A perfect rep for Halloween decor. Sylvester collapses to pieces before pulling himself together to pull himself away from his pursuit. I don’t know how much of the original Tweety is still in there, but the creature knows its the predator now and starts the chase in reverse.

While Sylvester bangs on the nearest elevator, the beast almost gets him before the arbitrary yet funny timer kicks in. The chase resumes in reverse of reverse, until starting in reverse of reverse of reverse. Verse and repeat. But don’t think Tweety is helpless in his helplessly adorable form. He uses his brains to open and shut a door without entering, knowing that Sylvester’s mind will naturally assume he’s in there. Which he could’ve been, seeing as how his wings would allow him to be okay in an empty elevator shaft. (Why even bother putting a door up?)

Another kick in the juice gets Tweety juiced up once Sylvester returns. He opts for out the window. Cats land on their feet regardless of how hard gravity is pulling, which means in cartoons, cats don’t splat. And very large birds don’t fly. Especially the ones that are designed like a sausage. Except when they do, and Sylvester is grabbed by the tail by the bird. You know what would be funny, don’t you? If the juice wore off again!

Luckily for Sylvester, Tweety doesn’t take back his feathers this time, and Sylvester is able to slow his descent and prolong his inevitable death. With Tweety coming in from above, all Sylvester has to do is open his mouth. Comedy striketh! Sylvester is squished. Wearing off immediately gives Sylvester his chance. He grabs his prey, heads back inside and locks the door so lunch stays in, and threat stays out. Now, in the spirit of hospitality, Sylvester is going to make Tweety a sandwich.

Sylvester reprimands Tweety for being a poor loser, which really makes you think how hard it is for predators who just want a little sustenance. I don’t have to worry about such thoughts because as a scavenger, I only eat what someone else already killed. (I’ve made myself hungry.) When Sylvester turns his back for ketchup, Tweety juices up a final time and in the spirit of hospitality, has Sylvester for dinner. Fleeing once more, Sylvester realizes his fatal error in locking the only escape from the inside… does it not keep anyone out, then?

Luckily in this picture, the whole thing was like life: but a dream. Well, the Tweety parts anyhow. Hyde is still lurking around somewhere. Would’ve been cool to se the two monsters fight over the cat. Speaking of Tweety, he actually alights near Sylvester for real. Being awake and aware, Sylvester runs screaming for help from the “killer” making a couple of other cats berate him for his cowardice. Oh boys, if you only knew…

If you only knew…

Favorite Part: Sylvester threatens to jump then turns to us: “I’ve got a choithe?”

Personal Rating: 4. I really think this is the best Hyde short. It’s not a repeat rehash like “Jerkyll” and uses established characters unlike “Hare”. And I really dig Tweety’s monster form. With his limp wristed arms looking to grab, delightfully devious cackle, whiskers(?), and maniacal smile. He kinda reminds me of a Minion that won’t make you lose your animation historian cred by enjoying.

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Sandy Claws

*Tarzan Yell*

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Arthur Davis and Warren Foster; Animation by Art Davis, Manuel Perez, and Virgil Ross. Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Carl Stalling. A Looney Tune released on April 2, 1955.

I really don’t understand the Oscars. Not that I’ve really tried to, but this short was good enough to be a nominee? It’s good, but not great. If I had to pick from the choices for that year’s best cartoon, I’d have gone with “Crazy Mixed up Pup”. I’m digressing.

Granny is an odd bird. Well, she’s not a bird, but if she was she’d still be an odd one for resembling a human. She’s odd for bringing an actual bird to the beach. Not that canaries shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy the beach, but it screams “The grandchildren want nothing to do with me, so I shower my love and will all my belongings on the only creature that does.” She sets Tweety down on a rock, promising to return once she’s gotten into her bikini. I know half of you started reaching for tissues and the other halfs’ brains threw up. You’re both in for a surprise.

What isn’t surprising is Sylvester not being too far off. He’s fishing for his food today. The worm seems hesitant to sacrifice its life, but Sylvester’s gun forces its (suddenly appearing) hand. Bait and baiter are swallowed by a tuna. Sylvester manages to get free, but loses all that valuable sashimi. He needs something easier to eat. He is all American after all, and we are satisfied to put as little effort as possible into our meals. Just as long as it’s warm and tasting of salt.

Tweety meets those requirements. Sylvester makes to nab him, when he gets swallowed again. This time by a wave. He escapes again, but Tweety wasn’t so lucky. That wasn’t just a wave. In fact, I’d say it was fit to be tide! (I don’t like myself.) You can’t spell ‘catfish’ without ‘cat’ but Sylvester isn’t going to swim out to eat. He tries lowering himself via his fishing pole, but runs out of line. Hey, since you’re halfway there now, it’d be stupid to return to shore, right?

Right. So he steals a boat. Being tied to the dock makes him lose the sides via momentum. The three words that best describe him are, and I quote, sink, sank, sunk.  Attaching skis and an outboard motor work better, but he crashes into Tweety’s island. Hey, since you’re all the way there now, it’d be stupid to return to shore, right?

No, because then he’d be stuck waiting for the tide. He finally decides to just swim out via water wings (that’s what those are, right?) but that’s when the sharks show up. We don’t see more than the dorsal fins, but they’re obviously dogfish. (I really don’t like myself.) Too bad the tuna got Sylvester’s gun. Granny finally exits the changing room. Poor dear is really out of touch. Her “bikini” could only get away with such a label in the 1890’s, perhaps. Just for that, there’ll be no more Bea Benaderet voicing you. Somebody tell June to show up early this year!

As any pet owner would be, Granny is upset to find her bird lost at sea, and easy octopus pickin’s. Sylvester the lifeguard to the rescue! I love his little outfit! (I say “love” too much. I should really switch it up.) Granny loves him too, mistaking this for an act of heroism. He crashes, and she plans to revive him via bucket of water. Both end swallowed by the ocean. (This might be the record of times Sylvester was swallerd.) Time for a team-up.

Granny mans the pumps while Sylvester treks out in a diving suit. (Makes me wonder if she can understand him in this short.) Too bad they took too long, and Tweety just decided to save himself by rowing back to the beach. (Would his cage really float?) So elated at finding her darling unharmed, Granny leaves her post to reunite. With no one at the pump, Sylvester begins suffocating. Granny remembers him though, and does to her best to compensate. That’s more air than Sylvester can breathe and it has to go somewhere…

He bails from the now floating suit, somehow anticipating this very situation, seeing as he has a parachute. Granny has lost sight of him now, and is upset because she really feels like the cat deserves a reward. He gets the exact opposite, drifting into the institution you always find near the beach: the dog pound. It’s just good manners to give them one day of fun before they have to be put down.

Favorite Part: Honestly, the team-up. It’s funny to think Granny is unknowingly abetting in attempted murder. In fact, they really should have made it last throughout the picture.

Personal Rating: 3. Good. But Oscar worthy? I don’t see it.

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Streamlined Greta Green

“Mama!”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Cal Dalton and Ken Harris; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on June 19, 1937.

Today’s short takes place in an odd world where automobiles are the dominant life-forms. Post “Maximum Overdrive” they’ve revealed their plans, but pre-“Cars” every meat based creature has been eradicated. It’s a nice middle ground where we’re still sharing the planet, but we humans know our place in this car-dominated society. And the segregation doesn’t stop there. Witness the hall where only Taxi cabs are allowed to dance.

Okay, I did my research and now know what the joke is. It’s just literal now. You know, this world is kind of weird! The cars aren’t limited to driving on all fours; sometimes they get up on two. Tires are rubber, so they can shape themselves to be feet and hands. But boy, does it look unnatural and painful. I’d hate to imagine what the copulating must look like. Of course, I’ll be wondering from now on, since our main character is the result of that. I don’t know enough about vehicles to give him a clever name, so I’ma call him “Royce”.

Royce longs to be a Taxi, because I guess that’s the cool job in car town. I figured the race cars would be the rock stars. And the ambulances make more. So, how do the garbage trucks sell themselves? While I puzzle that, Royce’s mom find him planning for his future. Most parents like to see that, or at least tell their kid to not worry yet. She reacts with anger. No son of hers is going to be a taxi. He will be a touring car, like his dad who doesn’t exist on screen.

Royce refuses and his mom drags him home by his… part of him that the tires go under. (I don’t care.) He’s not to be punished, it’s just time for school. Was he playing with her lipstick? Why are his lips, (or just mouth I guess,) so red? She fixes him some lunch for later: a can of oil maybe?, a jar of traffic jam, (heh) and a thermos of gasoline. (A slightly color-changing thermos.) It’s sweet. I really can’t help but love scenes of parents loving their children. Royce should be grateful to have her.

She puts the meal in his seat, (How is he supposed to get that out?) sends him off with a loving pat, and gives his daily reminders about staying away from traffic and railroad crossings. (Her right rear axle keeps disappearing.) I do love Royce’s pouty face. On his way, he comes to what many of us only come to figuratively in our lives: a crossroads. One way goes to school, the other, the city. He hardly hesitates before choosing the latter. It’s closer! Maybe if his mom left his gas where he could actually get it, he could make longer trips.

The city is louder and less friendly. Royce should be glad there are no cops around. He shouldn’t be on the sidewalk. (Why even still have those?) He waits for the light to turn red, then gets on the road himself. Cars don’t have as many complex emotions as we do, so when the light is green, those behind him drive as if he wasn’t there. Good thing he just slides over them. Seems traffic was as dangerous as mom said. He manages to take refuge in a marked safety zone and gets a brilliant idea: carry it with him to be invincible. Gravity is the only foe he can’t conquer with that, so he falls into an open man-, excuse me, I mean car hole. (Egotists.)

Royce decides to make a stop at a service station for a drink. The human slave manning the place has many delicious flavors on hand: rose, violet, ethel. (Shouldn’t that be ethANOl?) Royce selects the Hi-power stuff. Probably not the best drink for minors, but the slave is not allowed to talk back to his overlords, and just comments on how strong the stuff is. And how! He basically gave the kid steroids. Royce is so fast, he could win a Piston cup before they’re even invented!

This speed stuff is great! In fact, disobeying his mom is what got him full of it, so he might as well go against her other wish and screw around by the railroad tracks. (The trains don’t seem to be sentient yet. Do you really care why?) Driving alongside it, he darts ahead and just barely passes in front of it at the nearest crossing. That was fun! Again! Wow, twice as fun that time! Again! Ah, if only poor little Royce listened to his body. He’s burning through that fuel faster than he’s traveling and he runs out right on the tracks. No fake-out crash for him. The train mows him down.

Now we see why the cars continue to keep us around: our fingers make us excellent mechanics. Royce’s stricken mother can only wait outside while her baby possibly gets patched up, possibly gets rebuilt as her daughter. Not to worry though, the surgery was a success! Royce leaps with a sudden jump into her loving wheels. (Was a cel lost?) She’s happy he’s still running, but like any good parent, scolds him for disobeying her. Royce doesn’t want to hear it, and runs off to race the next train.

Even though he’s out of speed juice, he makes it through unscathed. (Just ignore his bandage disappearing and reappearing. I’ll notice it for you.) He taunts, unaware that he’s on more tracks. And he’s mowed down again. This time it really is a fake-out! Those mechanics have earned another week of life, seeing as how the train ends up looking like I expect Royce did earlier.

Favorite Part: Royce encounters a road hog when racing the train. It’s a literal pig. Only adds more confusion to what this world is, but I like swine.

Personal Rating: 2. The world is still weird! And isn’t even able to function without humans, so the immersion kind of shatters for me. Not to mention the cars uncanny appearance when they walk. I gave it an extra point for the imagination it did have, and the mom car. Royce doesn’t deserve her.

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Run, run, Sweet Road Runner

HOLD IT


“I taut I taw a *mbeep-mbeep*!”

Directed by Rudy Larriva; Animation by Hank Smith and Tom McDonald; Layouts by Erni Nordli; Backgrounds by Tony Rizzo; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Merrie Melody released on August 21, 1965.

Ugh. That title. Too long.

Wile E. may be a famished predator, but he’s not above playing with his food. I don’t know who drew a hopscotch board on the road, but it was nice of them to give the future roadkill a pleasant distraction before fate claims them. I must admit, I never was one for this game. You hop. What fun. If I’m forced into physical activity, you gotta distract me from the effort. The Road Runner hops the course no problem. And that was even with suspiciously conspicuous fog on the screen. The road missing?

Yes, but the course ends right before that part. Still brittle though, and Wile E.’s weight breaks it off. Down he goes. Another one of these days. He decides to set a trap, since chasing worked so well. It’s a mess of spikes he has to sharpen, but when dropped, he should have a tasty mess to lick up. (I mean, he’s still an animal, right?) He hoists it into place, (wow, those sound effects aren’t annoying at all.) and sets out the bird seed, and enticing signs. I do wonder why he hasn’t tried using shade as a selling point more often. Not drinking doesn’t mean you’re immune to the sun.

The problem with this scheme? Wile E. just waited too d*mn long! Didn’t even attempt to cut the rope! I’d be more mean, but I don’t want him to ban me from his movie. (Eight months to go!) He goes to rebait the trap and it comes down in a pretty smart way: the suns rays get focused through his binoculars and burns the rope. The way the bird interacts with his pursuer in these non-Chuck pictures, I figured he’d cut it himself. Next.

The phony hen ploy! Proven to work on at least one out of two species in the desert! This time, it will be a decoy. Just gotta paint some eyes on… a little dab of black for the pupils… don’t worry, the whites will just appear as you work… Beautiful. I bet that would attract everything from shrikes to queleas. She’s planted and Wile E. waits with an axe. The roadrunner just steals a kiss as he passes by. He knows he belongs to one of those bird species where the male has to do just as much rearing as his mate. Oh, why couldn’t he be more like the other cuckoos?

No point in wasting a good hen. Wile E. sets up again, this time while he’s dressed in Native American garb. (They revered you as a trickster and you repay them by depicting them the way Hollywood did? That’s showbiz for ya.) His aim this time is to do a rain dance. This will generate lightning, she will work as a lightning rod, and the Road Runner will be cooked internally. Just pluck’n and tuck in. As for why that bird would actually stop this time? It’s a well known fact that female types become significantly more attractive when wet. Probably could have just dolled her up in a damp t-shirt.

It’s working! The storm is brewing, the bird is in place, and the coyote can practically taste the side dishes. His mistake? Opening an umbrella. Now he’s got the tallest metal structure around, and the lightning zaps him. Wah, Wile E. C. hates this!

Favorite Part: Wile E. wagging his eyebrows at the camera. The limited animation made it funny.

Personal Rating: 2. I’m being generous. There were a few good faces in here to bump up a weak score. The main problem is the gag length. Chuck made his gags quick and punchy, so the cartoon could hold twice as many here. And stretching them out didn’t make them any funnier.

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A Fox in a Fix

“Ooh! You evil genius, you!”

Daffy dog and egg head.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Emery Hawkins, John Carey, and J.C. Melendez; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 20, 1951.

The lights on the farm are out, which makes it the perfect time for sneaking. A fox I’m calling Chum descends down with a sack. Either he’s prone to hyperventilation, or he comes to pillage poultry. It’s the latter, and it’s hard to blame him. Freshly snatched hens taste way better than the dead ones at your local grocery stores. They’re also susceptible to fainting spells, so there’s hardly any struggle. There’s also the old ‘chickens wearing bloomers under their feathers’ bit, but it’s barely on screen, so I barely laugh.

As he leaves, he gets caught by that bulldog who features in McKimson shorts, with a great bit of reaction animation. (Although the fog is a little distracting.) In his usual passive-aggressive tone, he talks to Chum. He understands that foxes like chickens, but seeing as how he’s the watchdog, it’d look bad if he didn’t do his job. Chum was just lucky he didn’t trespass on one of those places where he’d be slapped around. (As the dog thusly demonstrates.) All things considered, he gets off relatively unharmed, with just getting tossed off the premises. (Caniformia privilege means no penalties.)

Chum vows to get his dinner and comes up with a brilliant idea! Sharing a common ancestor means it will be easy to disguise himself as a Canis familiaris. Then, the watchdog won’t automatically evict him on site. Just got to shave some of the bushier bits, and WHAMMO! Instant foxhound! To really sell the illusion, he’ll have to prove he’s not nocturnal by entering during the dangerous daylight hours. Then, he’ll play up a sob story of being a hard-luck dog who is dying of starvation, thirst, and rabies.

It doesn’t work, but it does. That means that the watchdog knows exactly who it is because he operates on smell rather than sight. Whoops. However, he doesn’t let on, and invites Chum to stick around for a while. Even offers to share his food pellets. Being domesticated is worth it alone for the “meals”. The chickens seem to like him; being creatures that operate on sight rather than smell. Love the tension on Chum’s face as he tries his darnedest to fight his predatory urges.

Now one of the pack, Chum tries getting what he came for. The watchdog stops him with an offer: why not become a watchdog himself? He could get a real home, with a real purpose, and all the pellets he could eat! The watchdog even offers to train him. They’ll start with lesson one: watchdogs attack burglars. Teaching will be taught via role play. Chum will be the dog; dog, the burglar. Chum complies and learns lesson two in the process: burglars carry bits of lead pipe that they crush dog craniums with.

Lesson three is one anyone could do, even you: fetching a stick. A very important part of watchdoggery, to be sure. How else would you know to bring back whatever is left of a burglar after you’ve massacred them? Makes excellent fertilizer. Chum passes with flying colors, of course. His reward is to do it again! The best teachers are the ones who can disguise the fact they’re teaching you at all. Thus, the watchdog sends Chum after a lit dynamite stick to demonstrate lesson four: burglars will trick you if you don’t kill them fast enough.

Chum has survived his first day of training, so it’s time for well deserved rest. That watchdog must be very sure of his safety, if he’s willing to share his sleeping quarters. But then, maybe Chum can’t revenge murder on an empty stomach. With his nemesis bedding down for the night, Chum goes to the coop once more. He gets his prize, but the watchdog is always on duty and stops him again. Chum decides to literally pull the ‘somnambulist card’ which states that you DON’T wake a sleepwalker. He could be very embarrassed.

Chum exits the premises, and now I love the chicken’s “what’s the use in struggling/is this real” expression. Chum lets her go when he eyes a much meatier prize: one of those cassowary sized birds that isn’t even a cassowary. Boot camp WAS worth it! But lesson five is to not be greedy, and he failed that one. Non-silent chicken is dog! (Chum’s shadow disappears. I know that’s common at night, but I still felt it worth mentioning.) Knowing there’s no way out of this, Chum flees and hitches a ride before he has to hear any more lessons.

Turns out lesson six was really important. It’s to not hitch rides with strangers. Otherwise you might find yourself a fox in a furriers truck. They operate by smell too you know.

Favorite Part: Chum’s run when he has to play along with the lesson plan. It’s reluctant, disgusted, humiliated and really sells the image of a child who is being forced to play with a younger sibling.

Personal Rating: 3. High 3.